Are They Your Twin Flame – or a Narcissist?

Today I want to make a follow-up article to an earlier blog post where I discussed the toxic truths of the twin flame cult. This time, I want to focus more specifically on how many people who get caught up in this insidious belief system are, in reality, experiencing an emotionally abusive relationship with a narcissistic individual.

This ideology has become so widespread—even with recent documentaries exposing groups like Twin Flames Universe—that it’s now embedded in our cultural language. People often say things like, “We’ve got such a deep connection; I think he’s my twin flame,” even if they’ve never been directly involved in a twin flame group.

Personally, I don’t believe in the concept of a “perfect match” or soulmate. I feel strongly that this kind of thinking is both emotionally and psychologically dangerous. It encourages magical thinking, discourages critical thinking, and makes it much harder to spot red flags or toxic patterns in the so-called “twin flame.”

As a couples and relationship counsellor, I can say with confidence: there is no such thing as “the one.” Even with a partner you deeply align with—through shared values, goals, or personality traits—relationships are not about perfection. They are shaped by attachment science: your attachment style formed in childhood, your partner’s attachment style, and the dynamic that plays out between the two, especially during life transitions, challenges, and the natural stages of a relationship.

Most relationships go through predictable phases. It usually begins with the honeymoon stage—the period of intoxicating chemistry, when your brain is flooded with oxytocin (the “cuddle hormone”) and dopamine (the same chemical involved in addiction). This stage typically lasts 3–6 months before it shifts into the trust-building phase.

During that time, the haze clears and partners start to see each other more realistically—warts and all. Frustrations, irritations, and disappointments naturally arise, and questions like “Can I trust this person? Do they have my back? Will they let me down, or will they stand by me?” come to the surface.

For people with unresolved relational trauma—past abuse, betrayal, or cycles of toxic interaction—these questions can feel even more heightened. Without healing, this can lead to self-sabotaging behaviours, conflict, and distance in the relationship.

So what does this have to do with twin flames, narcissism, and magical thinking? Well, if you don’t understand the difference between the normal stages of intimacy and the predictable patterns of a narcissistic relationship, it’s easy to mistake a narcissist’s love bombing for the “signs” of a twin flame connection.

For context, narcissistic relationships tend to follow a fairly consistent cycle. I use the shorthand LDDH: Love bombing, Devaluation, Discard, and Hoovering.

• Love bombing: The narcissist showers you with affection, praise, and grand declarations like, “You’re the most amazing person I’ve ever met.” This intensity isn’t genuine—it’s a tactic to hook you in.

• Devaluation: Once they feel secure, they begin undermining, insulting, or subtly eroding your self-worth. At this point, you’re seen as less useful to them.

• Discard: The narcissist withdraws, breaks off the relationship, or moves onto a new target, leaving you confused, devastated, and questioning yourself.

• Hoovering: After some time, they often circle back, testing if they still have emotional control over you.

It is not difficult to see how the love-bombing stage in a narcissistic relationship can be misinterpreted as a profound soul connection, such as a twin flame or soulmate. During this stage, the narcissist uses excessive flattery, attention, and idealisation to create an intense emotional bond with their target. Empathic individuals, in particular, are often more susceptible to this manipulation due to several psychological factors.

First, empaths tend to have a heightened sensitivity to the emotions of others, which makes them more likely to internalise the narcissist’s projections of love and admiration as genuine. Second, empaths often have a strong desire to nurture and heal, which can cause them to overlook red flags and rationalise harmful behaviour in order to preserve the relationship.

Third, many empaths develop their identity around meeting the needs of others, sometimes at the expense of their own boundaries, making them more vulnerable to exploitation. When combined, these traits create the perfect conditions for a narcissist’s love-bombing tactics to be perceived as evidence of a rare or destined connection, rather than as the manipulative strategy it truly is.

My aim in sharing this is to raise awareness about the dangers of magical thinking and false constructs like “twin flames.” I know firsthand how painful and disorienting these experiences can be. The resources I found—through books, videos, and articles—were invaluable in my own healing after being caught in a twin flame cult dynamic. My hope is to carry that forward and help others navigate their way out of these harmful cycles.