Narcissism, Betrayal Blindness, and the Twin Flame Trap

When “Divine Union” Becomes a Trap Instead of a Destiny

If you’ve spent any time researching narcissistic abuse, you’ve probably come across the term betrayal blindness — a psychological phenomenon that shows up in longer-term relationships with narcissists. It’s the reason so many survivors look back and think, How did I not see it? How did I miss all of that?

Dr. Ramani, on her infamous YouTube channel, describes betrayal blindness as an unconscious psychological defence mechanism. It’s what allows someone to remain connected to a narcissist — even in the face of obvious mistreatment — because acknowledging the abuse would threaten the very relationship their nervous system is trying desperately to preserve.

For the purpose of this article, I’m going to focus specifically on intimate partner relationships, because this is where betrayal blindness intersects directly with the twin flame experience.

What betrayal blindness looks like

Ramani explains that betrayal blindness can show up as:

• minimising the abuse

• rationalising toxic behaviour

• blaming yourself

• or emotionally disconnecting from the abuse altogether

In other words, your mind creates a story that makes the situation livable — because the alternative (losing the relationship, facing abandonment, or having your attachment needs unmet) feels even more threatening.

Sometimes this defence is protective. In situations where someone is financially dependent, isolated, or physically trapped with a narcissistic partner, betrayal blindness may be the only psychological strategy their body has available to keep them safe.

And if that’s your reality, there is nothing shameful about that. This is survival.

But within the twin flame ideology… something far more sinister happens

Twin flame teachings introduce an even more extreme version of betrayal blindness — because the ideology reframes abuse as proof of spiritual destiny. This is where it becomes not just psychologically damaging, but cultic.

In the twin flame universe, “the ultimate divine union” becomes a dangling carrot used to coerce people into staying, “doing the work,” and tolerating all sorts of emotional or psychological harm in the name of spiritual growth.

It’s betrayal blindness on steroids.

Instead of recognising abusive behaviour for what it is, the ideology conditions you to see it as a “mirror” or a reflection of something you supposedly need to heal. The result? You end up blaming yourself, working harder, and staying longer — in situations that are actively traumatising you.

And here’s the part no one wants to admit

The person being labelled your “twin flame” is very often a full-blown narcissist. They are using manipulation, mind games, intermittent reinforcement, and spiritual language to gain emotional control and narcissistic supply.

Abuse wrapped in spiritual language is still abuse.

And when a narcissist is empowered with a belief system that excuses their behaviour, spiritualises their manipulation, and glorifies your suffering as “growth,” the result is more than just a toxic relationship — it becomes a cultic trauma bond.

This is reckless at best, and deeply damaging at worst.

So where do you go from here?

If any part of this has hit a nerve, please know this: you’re not stupid, you’re not weak, and you’re not “failing the journey.” You were conditioned to ignore your own instincts in order to protect a connection that was never safe to begin with. That’s what narcissistic abuse does.

But awareness really is the first crack in the façade. When you can name what’s happening — betrayal blindness, manipulation, spiritual gaslighting — you start to reclaim the parts of yourself that were slowly being rewritten.

You deserve relationships that nourish you — not ones that spiritually justify your suffering.

And if you’re currently navigating the fallout of a narcissist, a “twin flame,” or a spirituality-coated trauma bond, please seek real support — trauma-informed support — not another video telling you to “surrender,” “heal more,” or “do the work.”

There is a way forward, but it’s not through fixing yourself for someone who is harming you. It’s through remembering who you were before they convinced you that pain was part of your destiny.