Narcissist and Empath: A Match Made in Hell

If you’ve spent any time on YouTube, you’ve probably come across the popular idea that narcissists tend to target empaths more than anyone else. You’ve also likely heard that empaths become addicted to narcissists — that once they’re hooked, they can’t seem to walk away.

Now, I do believe there’s truth to the first part. As an empath myself, I’ve definitely had my fair share of narcissistic entanglements — not just in romantic relationships, but also within family, friendships, and even at work.

But the whole “empaths are addicted to narcissists” idea? I’m not totally sold on that. Sure, there seems to be a magnetic pull there, but I think it’s more about the empath’s natural drive to help, heal, and connect. Most empaths genuinely want to make the world a better place — to show kindness, build community, and bring meaning to people’s lives.

That said, we empaths aren’t all light and love. We’ve got our shadows too, just like everyone else. But when it comes to why empaths end up caught in these toxic dynamics, I don’t think it’s because we’re addicted to narcissists themselves. It’s more that we get drawn into the illusion they create — the false mask they wear that mirrors everything we want to see.

How the Narcissist Hooks the Empath

One of the narcissist’s favorite tricks is mirroring. At the start of a relationship — especially romantic ones — they go into data-mining mode. They’ll ask about your hopes, your dreams, your values… not because they care, but because they’re collecting information to use later.

They reflect everything back to you to make it seem like you’ve found your perfect match. You say you’ve always wanted to open a bakery one day? Suddenly, so have they! You talk about spiritual growth, they’re “on the exact same journey.”

And it feels amazing. You think, “Finally! Someone who truly gets me.” But in reality, they’re just mirroring your light back to you to pull you deeper in.

That’s the real trap — not the narcissist themselves, but the fantasy they feed you. It’s the illusion of connection that becomes addictive. And that’s where this so-called “match made in hell” really begins.

The Downfall: When the Mask Slips

Once the narcissist feels they’ve got you fully invested, things start to change. The adoration fades, the warmth disappears, and suddenly you’re left wondering what you did wrong.

For empaths, this is devastating. We tend to be people-pleasers and fixers by nature, so our instinct is to try harder — to mend, soothe, and bring back the harmony that once felt so real. But the cruel twist is, this is exactly what the narcissist wants.

They thrive on that confusion and desperation. Your attempts to fix the relationship give them a sense of control — power, even. The more you chase, the more they pull away. The more you cry or plead, the more they feed off your emotions.

And if you finally get angry? That just fuels them further. In their mind, your emotional reaction only confirms their importance.

Before you know it, the whole relationship has turned into a storm of drama and chaos — leaving the narcissist feeling powerful and the empath completely drained, doubting their worth, and wondering how everything went so wrong.

A Word of Warning to Fellow Empaths

If a relationship feels too perfect, it probably is. Be wary of love bombing — those grand gestures and declarations that come too soon. Listen to that quiet voice inside you that says, “This feels a little off.”

Most importantly, start giving yourself the love and validation you so freely give others. When you learn to meet your own needs for appreciation and connection, narcissists lose their power over you.

And if someone puts you on a pedestal before they really know you? That’s not romance — that’s a red flag. Don’t wait around to see it fall. Just run — and don’t look back.